I’m taking a small reprieve from writing about my Canadian adventures to bring you some information that will surely be vital to your well-being. And your livelihood. So read on!
- Did you know that you can type more than 3,000 words just with your left hand? It’s true! Thanks to the standard keyboard’s configuration, our southpaw has to do a disproportionate amount of work compared to our right hands. Just try typing words like “exaggerate”, “stewardesses”, and “abracadabra”! Gah! By comparison, our right hand can type a mere 300 words on its own. Apparently, typists in the 1870s worked so quickly that they frequently jammed their machines and, to slow them down, popular letters such as A, E, T, I, and N were separated on the keyboard. Though improved technologies negated the need for the ineffective layout, the QWERTY keyboard remained. Which explains why my left hand continues to appear larger than my right hand, what with my lengthy blog postings and all. 😉
- OMG! Texting rulz ur life! LOL! Kthxbai. — Americans send 35 billion — that’s BILLION with a B — text messages a day. That’s a lot of sexting going on. Ahem. Actually, I’d guess that Canadians send equal that amount even though there are ten times fewer citizens here than in the States. This is due, in my estimation, to the terrible, terrible wireless plans available here. Or to the fact that we are holed up inside for eight months a year in face-paralyzingly cold temperatures and, well, how the heck else are we going to stay connected to the outside world?! The texting rage could also have been fueled, of course, when in 2006, the Prime Minister of Finland Matti Vanhanen, allegedly broke up with his girlfriend via text message. Classy.
- Sadly, my stack of mail has grown to almost 6″ high, as illustrated below. You’ll note that it’s almost as tall as my iPhone. When I grow up and become rich, I’m going to hire three people: a driver, a cook, and someone to sort my mail. Everyone says that you can count on two things in life: death and taxes. Well I say it’s three: death, taxes and mail. It. never. stops. coming. Sigh.
- I finally stepped up to the 21st century and joined Yelp. Actually, who am I kidding? Three of my closest friends don’t even have Facebook pages and I can say that about them because they don’t read blogs either. I guess I’m not such a degenerate Yelp luddite after all! But I digress. Yelp is, in my opinion, a wicked cool site to find, and post, user reviews on all sorts of things like hotels, restaurants, nail salons, etc. It’s like Amazon, but for places instead of things. Question: does anyone still use *actual* phonebooks? Certainly I shouldn’t get the evil eye when asking for one stinkin’ paper bag at Loblaw’s, when YellowPages is killing billions and billions of trees each year printing their behemoths?! Join Yelp, people, and let’s save our trees! Oh. My. God. I just realized that I’ve turned into a tree hugger. A real, live, Canadian tree hugger. My SUV-driving, oil-swilling Texas friends will be none too happy.
- I saw this neon blue drink in the grocery store yesterday. It’s a Quebecois brand called Fruité Electric Blue (I couldn’t provide a link because, oddly, when I googled the brand, I couldn’t find a site. Weird). I usually drink the fruit punch flavour because I like to inject pure sugar into my veins, but I’d not seen this colour before. The blisteringly bright blue juice caught my eye as I walked past the shelf and when I looked closer, noticed that its flavour is apparently supposed to be a blend of orange and blueberry. Not only does that sound like a strange combo to me, but why is the drink coloured electric blue? Where’s the orange representation? I guess the company didn’t want to make a drink that’s the colour of orange and blue combined because that would just be weird. According to Photoshop, it would make brown and who the heck would want to drink a brown juice concoction? Oh wait a minute…maybe the nine cajillion people who consume drinks like Coke, Diet Coke, Dr. Pepper, Mr. Pibb, iced tea and other brown goodness at a rate of 945,235,012 per day? Back to the R&D table, I think.
- Poor Darth Vader. It’s bad enough that he lost his wife in childbirth, fought with his son, and embraced the Dark Side. Now it turns out that we continue to botch his most famous line. According to a recent lovefilm.com survey, fans mess up The Empire Strikes Back quote — “No, I am your father” — more than any other. We wrongly say “Luke, I am your father”. Oh well. At least Vader’s in good company. We apparently also misquote other movie icons such as Hannibal Lecter (who, to this day, scares the bejeezus out of me) and Dirty Harry. Without further ado, the other top misquoted movie lines:
2) Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Wrong: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”
Right: “Magic mirror on the wall…”
3) Dirty Harry
Wrong: “Do you feel lucky, punk?”
Right: “You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?”
Wrong: “Play it again, Sam.”
Right: “Play it, Sam.”
5) Silence of the Lambs
Wrong: “Hello, Clarice.”
Right: “Good evening, Clarice.”
6) Star Trek franchise
Wrong: “Beam me up, Scotty!”
Right: Never used in film or TV series