Tag Archives: Heat

Dear Winter: Please Come (Day 7)

Igloo

Photo courtesy of Hermés on Flickr

For those of you just joining the ATGAIC party, let me give you a quick history. Two years ago, I packed up and moved 1,600 miles from Houston, Texas to Toronto, Ontario. What this should have meant was that I’d never be hot again. Houston, as I’ve said previously, is hot. Not “bringin’ sexy back” hot, but “living-on-the-face-of-the-sun” hot. Toronto, on the other hand, is in Canada where everyone lives in igloos it’s supposed to be cold 9.5 months a year. What this should mean is that I should always be required to wear a coat and have on my heater, which is pure awesomeness because I always “run warm” as they say here. However, can someone please explain to me why it’s 74F in my condo when it’s 41F outside? Can someone please explain to me why I’m sweating more in my condo in Canada than I ever did in my condo in Houston?! It’s inexplicable, really. Global warming, indeed.

Of course, I did what any smart girl in the city does and told the superintendent, Sergeiy. I filled out the required forms in triplicate (old skool), turned it in, and got the requisite security call that they were entering my suite. I knew they’d probably come back and tell me that there was nothing wrong, even though the temperature inside literally never changes no matter what the temp outside, and sure enough, I was right. I don’t even think they walked into the suite, to tell you the truth. When I got home, there was a postcard flung on the floor near my front door. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that if they had actually walked into the suite, they wouldn’t have just dropped the card on the floor, but would  have probably left it on the counter. But maybe they do things differently in Canada. Anyway, the card read:

Dear Resident, We wish to inform you that during your absence, a representative of [redacted] entered your suite to [handwriting begins] there is not any problem found in your termostat. the all building is on heat (the system). [end handwriting] Should you have any questions or concerns, please contact the management office.

Gee, thanks. The nightly sweating has ensued.  

Oh, how I wish everyone in Canada really did live in igloos because, believe me, I’d be doing some serious igloo squatting. And forget rain dances — I’m down on my knees doing a serious “Dancing With the Stars” snow dance. I really think I was meant to be born in the North Pole…after all, I think I’d look great in an elf outfit. 😉

P.S. Yes, that’s an ad for Hermés, but how cool would it be to live in that?! If I was going to live in an igloo, I’d totally want it to be covered with brightly coloured Hermés scarves, fo sho.

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Warning! Things Are Sizzling!

Photo credit: Shootedown on Flickr

Photo credit: Shootedown on Flickr

I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that this is as good as it’s going to get. 

I’ve been anxiously anticipating the burn quotient kicking in, but it’s just not gonna happen.  On the plus side, city services have *finally* resumed in Toronto (post detailing that gong show forthcoming) and eastern Canada is *finally* a) sunny and b) warm.  Thank you Jesus!  While I’m sure the current inhabitants of my former metropolis (that would be Houston, Texas) are lamenting the cool, non-humid days of winters past, the fact is that Toronto is practically freezing.  Oh, I jest.  All kidding aside, though, Toronto hasn’t seen a summer this cool since the Blue Jays won the World Series, and, for those of you not up on your MLB history, that was in 1992.  Ahem. 

Toronto’s average temperature over the last two months has been 18C (around 66F).  A tropical summer that does not make!  We’ve had one day — ONE! — of +30C degrees this summer and that was more than a month ago.  Contrast that to last year where we’d already had nine days over 30C and, well, it’s a grim, grim picture. 🙂   To add insult to injury, Toronto has had 17% less sunshine than last summer.   Add to that nonsense the record setting rain we’ve been having and it feels like I’m living in Vancouver instead of Toronto. And I’m not really into 364.5 days-a-year rain, which is why I moved to Toronto in the first place!  Oh, the humanity.

I’d likely be complaining — actually, I KNOW — I’d be complaining if I was still dying of heat stroke and experiencing brain melting from the intense heat that is the hallmark of a Texas summer.  Clearly it takes a lot to please me.  😉  But when it’s February and I accidentally get plowed up along with the 6′ high mounds of snow from being an invisible “Snow White” due to the lack of sunshine, you’ll think back and appreciate my rare weather rant.   Actually, I’m in Montréal as I write this and it’s hitting a wonderfully balmy 28C here today. W00t!  Vive Québec!  

Bottom line: whatever you do — wherever you are — don’t stay inside today.  Go outside and catch some awesometasticly warm rays.  For the love of God, I know I will be.  Poutine, smoked meat, French-speaking Canadians, and Mr. Sunshine, here I come!

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