For those of you just joining the ATGAIC party, let me give you a quick history. Two years ago, I packed up and moved 1,600 miles from Houston, Texas to Toronto, Ontario. What this should have meant was that I’d never be hot again. Houston, as I’ve said previously, is hot. Not “bringin’ sexy back” hot, but “living-on-the-face-of-the-sun” hot. Toronto, on the other hand, is in Canada where everyone lives in igloos it’s supposed to be cold 9.5 months a year. What this should mean is that I should always be required to wear a coat and have on my heater, which is pure awesomeness because I always “run warm” as they say here. However, can someone please explain to me why it’s 74F in my condo when it’s 41F outside? Can someone please explain to me why I’m sweating more in my condo in Canada than I ever did in my condo in Houston?! It’s inexplicable, really. Global warming, indeed.
Of course, I did what any smart girl in the city does and told the superintendent, Sergeiy. I filled out the required forms in triplicate (old skool), turned it in, and got the requisite security call that they were entering my suite. I knew they’d probably come back and tell me that there was nothing wrong, even though the temperature inside literally never changes no matter what the temp outside, and sure enough, I was right. I don’t even think they walked into the suite, to tell you the truth. When I got home, there was a postcard flung on the floor near my front door. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that if they had actually walked into the suite, they wouldn’t have just dropped the card on the floor, but would have probably left it on the counter. But maybe they do things differently in Canada. Anyway, the card read:
Dear Resident, We wish to inform you that during your absence, a representative of [redacted] entered your suite to [handwriting begins] there is not any problem found in your termostat. the all building is on heat (the system). [end handwriting] Should you have any questions or concerns, please contact the management office.
Gee, thanks. The nightly sweating has ensued.
Oh, how I wish everyone in Canada really did live in igloos because, believe me, I’d be doing some serious igloo squatting. And forget rain dances — I’m down on my knees doing a serious “Dancing With the Stars” snow dance. I really think I was meant to be born in the North Pole…after all, I think I’d look great in an elf outfit. 😉
P.S. Yes, that’s an ad for Hermés, but how cool would it be to live in that?! If I was going to live in an igloo, I’d totally want it to be covered with brightly coloured Hermés scarves, fo sho.