Daily Archives: September 13, 2009

This IS Rated PG-13

iPhone 009So, remember that time when I was walking down Queen Street minding my own business and, lo and behold, saw crazy people on bikes? And then that other time when I was walking down Queen Street minding my own business and saw even crazier people on bikes, but completely naked?  Well, guess what? It happened to me again!  True story. Only this time, I wasn’t walking, but was on the streetcar and I wasn’t on Queen Street, but was on Spadina *near* Queen Street. Crazy, nón? And this time, they weren’t on bicycles, but were on skateboards. And, sadly, they weren’t naked, much to my chagrin.

I had been navigating the shark-infested waters  streetcars of the Toronto Transit Corporation after a very long day of walking, shopping, and free massage-getting (i heart you, universal healthcare!), when I finally found a place to sit on the eternally-crowded, I’m-going-to-grow-out-of-clothes-waiting-for-the-g******ed 510 streetcar. I had just purchased a new mattress topper and two new pillows, and for those of you thinking “why would you buy those things knowing you had to lug them all the way home?” — I’ll tell you, I asked myself the very same question with full knowledge that I’d have to tote them all the way home from Yonge and Bloor to my house near Front and Spadina.  Those kinds of ludicrous decisions are what happen when you haven’t slept a full night in, oh, about fourteen days and are desperate — DESPERATE — to get a full night’s sleep. But I digress.

So I was squashed into my tiny seat with my two pillows and my giant bag containing the mattress topper, when I heard a bunch of cars honking theiriPhone 010 horns on the other side of the street. When I looked up, I saw about 1,000 kids crazies skateboarding up Spadina through the cars and the traffic!  For the uninitiated who have never been on Spadina near Chinatown on a Saturday, take note and heed this advice — don’t do it. You will lament the days you owned a car because your car will overheat from the sheer amount of time you sit on Spadina waiting to move just an inch. Anyway. So all these horns were honking at all these kids skateboarding up the street and I thought “ooooh, if this was in Houston, there’d be some serious back-up grabbing right now! But alas, none of the drivers looked angry; rather, they were all smiling, rolling down their windows to W00T!, and laugh at the entire incident. Well, at least they were where I was. The mo-rons driving on the other end of Spadina on a Saturday afternoon were probably grabbing their back-ups due to their anger at the traffic in which they were trapped, but I just didn’t see them.

I think it’s funny that I randomly see all of these street goings-on all the time^.  Luckily, I always, always, always have my camera with me, and, now that I’ve welcomed myself to the 21st century by joining the iCult, I also have that electronic device with which I can capture all of this Toronto street goodness, too!  I do this all for you, my fair readers. All for you!

You’re welcome.

P.S. Because I know you are dying to know, my mattress topper is fab!  A little warm because it’s down, but lest ye forget, I live in Canada, so I just have to wait five minutes and it’ll be -375C. I think, though, that I’m going to return the pillows. They were so high and firm that I practically gave myself a broken neck due to my spine being in a 90 degree angle for eight four whole hours.  Can you even return pillows? I don’t understand how you’re supposed to test drive a pillow in the store since they refuse to let you lay down on the display beds? Quite the conundrum, if I do say so myself.

 

^ By which I mean thrice.

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This is NOT Rated PG-13

Warning: the photos contained herein are of a graphic nature. Of the human body. Sheild the eyes of those you love and whom you feel warrant protection. Should you object to this post, feel free to take it up with with the blog owner. I happen to know her and I think she’ll probably tell you to #shutit, but that’s just a guess. 😉

Remember that time when I was walking down Queen Street, minding my own business and I saw this?  Well, it happened again. Of course, it happened way back in June, but sometimes I like to go Back to the Future on my blog that way. Anyway. I was once again walking down Queen Street (which I do a lot, apparently), minding my own business (which I *also* do a lot, apparently), when I heard a commotion, looked up to see what was the matter and saw hundreds of people riding their bikes in what could only be described as organized chaos.  The chaos was, I’m guessing, likely because the riders were stark raving naked. Yes, that’s right — completely buck naked!  This is reason #4,281,369 why I love Toronto. I mean, where else can you walk down a city street while feasting your eyes on naked men and women with private parts flailing in the wind as they speed by? 

I’ll tell you where — apparently, in 24 other countries, that’s where. Yes, that’s right — you, too, can witness the World Naked Bike Ride in 24 countries, including, but not limited to, Latvia and Poland. According to the WNBR web site, they are a group of people, wacky Latvians included, who “face automobile traffic with [their] naked bodies as the best way of defending [their] dignity and exposing the unique dangers faced by cyclists and pedestrians as well as the negative consequences [they] all face due to dependence on oil, and other forms of non-renewable engergy.”  Yes, engergy. Snort!

WNBR

I’ve spent a fair amount of time trying to determine the significance of the added “g” (because what else do I have to do?), and here are a few guesses:

 Could it be a subtle dig at George Dubya, that evil, oil-hoarding, special-interest-group-harbouring, beat box-ing ex-president^? 

The same George Dubya who may cause us to lose life and limb just to line the greasy pockets of said oil-hoarding special-interest groups?!  😉

Mobil

Could WNBR be trying to educate the youth of the world and simultaneously promote Sesame Street?

Or could they be trying to imply that their fair readers are, in fact, gangsters, by subliminally asking “what up, g“? 

Whatever their reasoning, WNBR might want to spend a little more time proofing their frackin’ home page and less time riding around the world chafing up their privates.  Really, though, who am I to complain? I invite them to spend more time riding around the streets of Toronto. Because what single girl in the city *wouldn’t* want to feast her eyes upon this goodness?  Who, I ask…WHO?!

 June 13 018

Don’t you wish you lived in my head, too?

P.S. Apparently, I use the word apparently far too much when I’m tired and haven’t slept in fourteen nights. Apparently.

 

^ I am actually very fond of GWB. He is from Texas, after all. So before y’all fire up your Ford F-350 extended cabs and race off to the message boards, do me a favour and save it!

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